Econ 101

I have never understood economics. Nor, apparently, have economists. I mean, if a city needs a bridge, they call in an engineer and voilà, his expertise delivers a perfectly workable bridge, if a homeowner wants a nice garden, he hires a landscaper and a yard is designed and constructed, if the bathtub leaks…you get the idea. An expert is summoned, the problem is fixed.

Not so with economists. When they are consulted, whether by towns, states or governments, they mutter on about Keynes and the GNP and interest rates, but nothing ever seems to happen. The government used to trot out Alan Greenspan every few months and hope we got so bored that we stopped worrying.

Specifically, I do not understand the economic viability of marketing by catalogs. I have bought the occasional item from Lands’ End*, Eddie Bauer and merchants of that ilk. They reward me with a steady stream of catalogs. Almost weekly. We must have passed the break even point. They refuse to number their catalogs. Then I could throw away #40 when I receive #41, but I have no idea if “late spring” supercedes “early summer”.

They can’t make a lot of money this way. At least from me. So they warn you that they will make your name available (translation, sell it) to a few select companies. Usually this results in a slew of catalogs from companies that sell similar merchandise. But not always. I recently became the proud owner of

The Sausage Maker® Inc. catalog. How did this happen? I bought a present for Marcie from Lands’ End, but did that send out the vibe that I was a potential client for hog casings or a beef bung? Ernie ordered pants from Eddie Bauer. Maybe that caught the attention of a sharp marketing executive (Hey, Keith, here’s a guy from Grosse Pointe who ordered flat fronts in British khaki. That sort is always in the market for a gambrel** or a stainless steel belly spreader. Let’s sell his name to those sausage guys.) I probably should call and tell them that Grosse Pointe folk tend to like monograms, so they should come up with a line of monogrammed belly spreaders. I have ordered several wedding presents lately on-line, but I don’t recall any of the happy couples including a meat bone duster on their registry. I won’t be ordering anything from these people. Maybe they will send me their summer catalog. Or will it be the “early summer” catalog?

Our jar of breakfast marmalade reads:

Wilkin and Sons Ltd.

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN JAM AND MARMALADE MANUFACTURERS

I bet Mr. Wilkin hasn’t sold her name to a company that makes brown smoked collagen sausage casings.

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* Yes, I know the apostrophe is wrong. Lynne Truss takes them to task in Eats Shoots and Leaves.

** Gambrel was a new one on me. It is derived from the Old North French gamberel, from gambe leg, from Late Latin gamba. It is a stick or iron for suspending slaughtered animals.